Always Back to Her
by becca343
Summary: Picks up where the season 2 finale leaves off. What will happen when Amy's on tour? Amy's determined to have the summer be about her but the universe may have other plans in mind. ***Note Chapter 8 was originally left out unintentionally and added in after. Sorry!***
1. Chapter 1

"What city are we headed to?" Audrey, the lead singer of Pussy Explosion shouts over the music. The van was rolling down the nearly empty highway as sun was beginning to set.

Amy looks down at her phone. "Next up is Tuscon," she reported.

"Ugh when's L.A.?" Audrey asked impatiently.

"After Tuscon," Amy replied. "We'll be there on Tuesday." Although she was the photographer, Amy seemed to have taken up the role of all around manager, as well.

Laura, who was driving the van at this point, glared back at Audrey. "We'll get to L.A. when we get to L.A. Stop worrying about it and stop getting your hopes up. Your ex will not be there."

"You don't know that!" Audrey yelled, sounding both obstinate and hurt at the same time. It'd only been three days, but Amy already knew that a summer on the road with four other women was going to be a lot to handle.

Audrey and Laura began yelling back and forth for a bit, when Amy's phone rang. She looked down at it. She looked back up at her new friends, who had stopped yelling when they heard Amy's phone and noticed a shift in her demeanor.

"It's Karma," she announced.

"Boo!" said Audrey and two other voices in the back of the van.

"Ignore it," Laura warned, her tone serious. Amy hesitated. "Ignore it, Amy. You have to ignore it.

Amy stared at it for a couple seconds longer and then pressed ignore. Cheers came from the back of the van. Laura nodded sympathetically. "It had to be done," she said.

Karma and Shane had just finished their shift lifeguarding. It'd been a pretty quiet day at the pool and Karma had spilled some big news to him. Without Amy, she wasn't sure who to go to.

"Want a ride home?" Shane asked, in a rare moment of generosity.

Karma nodded. "Thanks," she muttered quietly.

Once in the car, Shane told it to her straight. "You need to call Amy," he said.

Karma shook her head. "I'm supposed to be giving her _space_." Shane could hear the resentment in her voice.

"I know," Shane said. "And it kills me to say it, because Amy really really _really_ needs that space… but this is different. You need to call her.

Karma dialed and listened as it rang and rang."She didn't pick up," Karma told Shane.

"Call again," Shane replied, without hesitation.

"No," Karma replied, "She'll call me back. It's Amy." Shane wasn't so sure, but he let it go for now.

About an hour had passed and Amy was still sitting in her seat, arms crossed, feeling huffy and conflicted. "Let's get some food," suggested Laura as she switched lanes, getting ready to exit. "Maybe that'll make you feel better."

"Yes," Audrey agreed enthusiastically, "I'm starving!"

The women got off of the van and entered the diner. Amy's eyes lit up when she saw a selection of donuts. "Let's get some actual food in you first," Laura said, reading Amy's mind. Amy laughed.

They all sat down and began scanning the menus. Amy still looked distracted. Meg, the band's drum player, infamous heartbreaker, glanced over at Amy and then back to her bandmates. "You know," she said, "I feel like we should be insulted. You're on tour with four smoking hot lesbian-"

"and bi!" chimed in Stacey, the guitarist.

"Yes, Stacey," continued Meg, "four smoking hot lesbian and bi-"

"Can't we just say queer?" Asked Aubrey.

"Can't we just let me finish a sentence?" Meg replied. "Four smoking hot queer women and yet you're still hung up on this straight one."

Laura, who'd been quiet up until this moment, added her two cents. "Leave her alone, Meg. That's how love works."

"Not that you'd know anything about that," teased Aubrey.

"Alright, alright. Everyone figure out what you want to eat. The waitress is heading over," said Stacey.

It was Amy's turn to place her order when her phone buzzed.

She had a text from Shane: You need to call Karma.

"Amy? Earth to Amy?" Meg asked.

"What?" Replied a still confused Amy.

"Food," said Aubrey. "What are you eating?"

"Oh." Amy looked back down at her menu still unsure. Every action seemed to be in slow motion.

Laura rolled her eyes. "She'll just have two donuts." Amy nodded, thankful she didn't need to deal with formulating words.

"Whatever it is. It can wait." Laura told her knowingly.

"I'm not so sure," replied Amy.

"I don't know what you are talking about. But we have a show in 2 hours, so whatever it is, it HAS to wait," said Meg.

"She's got a good point." Aubrey weighed in. "You can call her in the morning."

Amy nodded uncertainly and picked at her donut.

Once they got back on the van, Amy fiddled with her cameras and started to plan for the concert. She'd never seen the venue before so she'd have to be adaptable. She hoped they'd get there early enough for her to have time to really get a lay of the land.

Despite all of the nerves, both her own and the band's, everything went well. When they played their final number you could feel the excitement in the room. The main act was quite appreciative of how well the band warmed the crowd. Pussy Explosion even sold a record amount of t-shirts, which meant they wouldn't even have to worry about how they were going to pay for gas the next day. All in all it was a good night.

"Great job, guys!" Amy said to the band, doing her best to gather genuine enthusiasm.

"You need a beer," said Stacey.

"But…" Amy hesitated.

"You do…" even Laura agreed and got one from the bartender to pass over to her.

They all were starting to let loose and enjoy the evening when Amy's phone rang again. "It's two in the morning," said Meg, "why are your friends still calling you?"

Amy looked concerned. "I don't know. But I should take this," she said.

"Why talk to Karma when you can do this?" Meg asked and planted a sloppy kiss on her lips.

"Alright that's enough for you tonight," Laura gently nudged Meg in another direction and pushed the beer back across the bar.

"It's not Karma," Amy said defensively, to no one in particular, "and I need to take this." Amy walked outside and answered the phone.

"What the fuck, Amy?" Shane began.

"What, Shane? What?" Amy began. "You of all people should get it. You of all people know I'm doing what _I_ need to do for _once_ in my life. Why are you helping Karma get in the way of that?"

"Amy," Shane said, with a seriousness that Amy wasn't accustomed to.

"Yes?" She asked, feeling calmer now that she had ranted.

"I know this is the last thing you need right now, but you need to talk to Karma. It's her mom. She's really sick. And she's shutting everyone out. And she needs you."

Hearing those words, even just coming from Shane, set something off in Amy. "Alright Shane. Thanks," she said, before hanging up.

Laura came outside and found Amy sitting on the sidewalk. She sat down beside her. "You okay?" She asked.

And finally Amy let it all out. "No," she said and began bawling. "I'm not okay and I thought after this summer I would be but now I don't know what I'm going to do and I have to be there for her but I can't be there for her and - "

"Come here," said Laura, letting Amy rest on her shoulder. "You need a good night's sleep. We'll deal with this in the morning.

"No!" Amy objected. "I have to call her. I have to call her now."

"Not like this you don't," she said, placing Amy's phone back in her bag. "I promise, it's going to be okay. You'll call in the morning." Tears continued to run down Amy's face but she had nothing left to say. So she just nodded and sat there, wondering what exactly this summer was going to be after all.


	2. Chapter 2

When Amy woke up the next morning, all of her emotions came flooding back. They sat unhappily in the pit of her stomach. She knew she had to call Karma. While she would have loved some privacy for this call, unless she wanted to do it at 5:00 am before they loaded back onto the van that simply was not possible.

So there she sat, staring at her phone, while her new friends pretended to busy themselves, staring at their phones. But she knew they were listening, waiting to see what happened.

She took a deep breath and pressed Karma's name on her contact list. It rang. And rang. And rang. She started to panic. She hadn't prepared herself to leave a voice mail. Karma always picked up her phone. She never let it out of sight. Amy looked at the time, 10:30 am, and realized Karma must be lifeguarding. That realization hit her hard. It was the first time she hadn't known karma's schedule by heart.

"It's Karma," Amy heard the beginning of the voicemail and her heart raced at the sound of Karma's voice. "I'm not here right now, you can leave me a message after the beep or just send me a text because it's 2015."

"Hi," Amy said. She paused, still contemplating what she was going to say next. "It's Amy," she continued. "Umm I'm sorry I missed your call. Shane got a hold of me last night and let me know your mom was sick. I didn't get all the details. I'm really sorry, Karm." She took a deep breath and said what usually came naturally but for once was a struggle, "I'm here if you need me. Let me know what I can do." She hung up of the phone.

"Voicemail?" Audrey commented, "how anticlimactic." Amy nodded.

************************************************************************

"Ready to go?" Shane asked. It had been silently established he'd drive her home for the rest of the summer. Even Shane didn't have the heart to make her walk in the heat, especially with all she had going on.

"Yup," she slung her bag over her shoulder and followed Shane to his car. As soon as she sat down she pulled out her phone.

"So..." Shane prompted. Leaving the car in park. He wanted the scoop.

"I have one new voicemail." She said matter of factly.

"Play it." He demanded.

"Umm private!" She objected.

"Umm my car my rules." He said. "And my rule is secrets are no fun."

Karma sighed and played the message. Without a word, she put her phone back in her bag and began to drive.

After a few minutes of silence, Karma turned to him. "You told her?" Karma asked annoyed.

"I wanted to make sure she called."

"She's Amy. She would've called."

"I don't think she would have called."

"Well you don't know her as well as I do."

Shane sighed. "Karma, you don't know Amy, right now. You know Amy as the person you've always known. But falling in love with you changed her." Shane had reach Karma's block and he pulled over and stopped the car. She unbuckled her seatbelt. "Hang on..." Shane said, with that evil glint in his eye. "Before you go I want to try a thought experiment."

"No." Karma said beginning to reach for the door.

"C'mon. Don't you want to better understand Amy."

Karma huffed. "You have three minutes."

"That's all I need..." He said confidently.

"Okay so it's September. You and Amy are hanging out like you always do and she has this ridiculous idea that you two should pretend to be lesbians."

"Shane..." Karma starts to object.

He shushes her. "And you think it's kind of stupid. But Amy's your best friend and you want to make her happy, so you say, what the hell, why not. Then I out the two of you and all that and fast forward to the homecoming pep rally." Shane can hear Karma inhale sharply. She knows what's coming next. "You were about to get caught. You cared too much about Amy to let that happen. So you shouted, 'If we were faking it, would I do this?' then you planted one hell of a kiss onto the girl." Shane paused. "And you know what? You liked it. A lot." Shane chuckled, "I don't think that part should be that hard for you to imagine."

Karma shot him a dirty look. "Okay, I see where you're going with this. Are we done?"

Shane shook his head. "You know that's not the end. Now close your eyes." Karma does as she is told. "Your feelings for Amy have been growing stronger and stronger. She's the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you think about, when you go to bed at night. If you know what I mean." Karma opens an eye so she can glare at him. "One day Amy tell you that she wants you to have a threesome with her and some guy. Hmmm…" Shane thinks. "Let's say Felix. So you're in love with Amy and Amy is in love with Felix. And she wants you to join them for a threesome. So you go shopping for lingerie and Amy's parading around in it and you just can't help yourself from staring. The night rolls around and you dress to impress and you share the deepest, most sensual kiss of your entire life and"

"Shane." Karma said seriously. "I get it. That's enough. I remember. I was there too"

"Okay," Shane said, "but please keep it in mind," he begged. "I told her she had to call you. Because you need your best friend. And I get that. But be careful. She has a fragile heart and you aren't the gentlest of souls."

"I don't know why I hang out with you." Karma scoffed.

"See you tomorrow!" Shane shouted as he drove away.


	3. Chapter 3

Amy was half asleep in the back of the van when her phone rang. She saw it was Karma and let it ring another two times before working up the nerve to pick up. "Hey Karma," she answered.

"Hi," Karma said timidly. She sounded distant, which only increased how uncomfortable and awkward both parties felt.

"So fill me in. What going on? How are you doing?" Amy asked, trying her best to sound normal.

"My mom has breast cancer."

"Oh Karma," Amy said sympathetically. "I'm sorry. How are you doing?"

"Not great," karma said biting her lip. Even over the phone Amy could tell she was fighting back tears. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," Amy said quickly. "What did the doctors say?" She asked changing the subject back to Karma's mom.

"They caught it early," Karma said, "so that's good."

"That _is_ good," Amy agreed.

"But I'm still totally freaking out. My mother is being ridiculously positive. My dad is moping about. Nobody's thinking about the reality of hospital bills."

Amy could hear Karma's stress building. "What can I do?" Amy asked.

"You can start my not screening my calls." It came out of her mouth before she could stop it. It had an angrier tone than she was expecting. She tried to remind herself what Shane had said. Fragile heart. Fragile heart. Fragile heart.

It stung Amy. "I wasn't... I... How did you know?"

"I know I've been oblivious about some things lately," Karma admitted, " but I'm still your best friend."

"I'm sorry. You can call me whenever, okay? I'm here for you." The promise began to stress her out as soon as she said it.

"Thanks, Amy." Karma said. "I love you." The words hung in the air a moment to long. Amy was about to respond when Karma spoke again. "Sorry. Should I not say that anymore?"

"I love you too, Karma. And I never want you to feel like you can't say that okay?" There it was. Amy finally sounded like herself. But she wasn't sure if that was good or bad. "I have to go. We're grabbing some reinforcements from the supermarket. But keep me posted okay. And we'll talk soon?"

"Of course," she replied. Karma ended the call and tears started running down her face.

Her mom came in the room. "Oh honey," she said, assuming Karma was crying about her illness. "No tears. No tears. This is going to be quite the life experience. It will bring new meaning to our lives!"

Karma forced herself to smile. "I know, mom. You're right." She brushed the tears off of her face and looked up at her mother. "Ready for your doctor's appointment?" Her mom nodded and took Karma's hand, helping her off the bed.

**********************************

"Hey Amy!" Audrey called from across the aisle of the supermarket. "Pop Tarts or Chewy Bars?"

"Is that even a question?" Amy replied.

"See!" Stacey shouted. "I told you everyone loves Pop Tarts." She threw them into the cart, which was quickly growing full.

Amy thought about the night that she and Karma decided they were going to try every single flavor of Pop Tart they could find. Karma's brother Zen had gotten talked into taking them to the store and they'd purchased at least 10 different flavors. They felt sick most of the night but concluded definitively that chocolate chip was their favorite.

Amy held up the box of chocolate chip pop tarts, made a funny face and took a snapchat for Karma.

Karma opened it and couldn't help wish that she was there with Amy. She replied, with a selfie complete with a smile and the words "so jealous" written in big green letters.

Amy opened the photo. Seeing Karma sitting there in the hospital waiting room, fake smile plastered across her face, it all hit Amy like a ton of bricks. It was like she was just hearing the news for the first time.

She ran down the aisles in search of Laura. She was freaking out and needed the comfort of a friend that understood. She found her standing by the chips. "Laura," Amy said, suddenly realizing she was out of breath. "I have to go."

"What? Go where?"

"Home," Amy clarified. "I have to go home. To Karma. I have to be there for her."

"Okay, sweetie you're going to have to piece this together a little more for me."

"Her mom has cancer. And she needs me there." Amy insisted.

"Did she tell you she wants you to come home?" Laura asked.

"No, but she doesn't need to tell me. I know."

"Look, I can see where you're coming from. This one is a hard call. But if you go back now, you'd be giving up a lot," Laura said. "Maybe you should wait and see how this plays out. This was the summer of you putting yourself first. Karma has other people that are there for her. You can call her every day. But why don't you wait on some more information before making any big decisions."

Amy thought about it. "It's so hard," she said. Laura looked at her questioningly. "Being away from her," Amy explained.

"I know," Laura said sympathetically, giving her a side hug. "But that's part of the reason I think you need to wait it out a bit."

"Yeah," Amy conceded, "you're probably right."

It was about an hour until Karma's lunch break and she was getting antsy. It was a bit chilly outside and the pool was empty. She found herself wishing some obnoxious teens or loud children would come just so she could be distracted from her own life for a while. No such luck. "Shane…" she whined from across the pool

"Is this about Amy?" He asked, already a bit annoyed. Whether people liked to admit it or not, Shane was a good listener, but Karma was wearing down his patience.

"I just wasn't expecting her to react this way."

"Karma, we talked about this when you called me last night. We talked about this when I picked you up this morning. Amy reacted fine. She said you could call her anytime and that she apologized for screening your calls."

"I know but…"

"Karma, what do you want from her?"

"I wanted her to get on a plane or rent a car or something and get back here." The words burst out of her. She took a deep breath. "I know that's not fair of me but it's what I want. I want her sitting with me in that hospital waiting room holding my hand and telling me it's going to be okay."

Shane got down from his guarding chair and walked over towards Karma. He looked her in the eyes. "Are you still sure that's all you want?" He asked.

"Yes!" Karma jumped down his throat. "Everyone needs to stop asking me that!"

"Okay," Shane said, stepping back. "Then you can't expect this big romantic gesture. She's here for you, in every way that she's able to be right now. And you need to accept that."

No one liked Shane's tough love. It hit people hard. Because it was true.


	4. Chapter 4

Amy's phone had been buzzing all day. It began to ring again when she was lugging an amp over to the stage in preparation for the evening show.

She put the amp down, ignored the call and replied with a text "prepping for tonight's show. Will call you back after"

Meg looked over at her. "Man for someone who is single, you're pretty damn whipped." Amy rolled her eyes but she couldn't disagree. She had felt like she was at Karma's beck and call these last few days.

"You know how much I hate to say this," Laura began, "but Meg is right. If it's going to be like this, you might as well have gone home. Your mind definitely did."

Amy sighed. If she ignored Karma, she was the girl who ignored her best friend while her mother had cancer. If she took Karma's calls, she was the weak lesbian who fell back into bad habits. Lose-lose.

"Can you both just mind your own business?" she muttered.

"Jeez, someone's uptight," Laura commented.

"Someone needs to get laid," Meg added." Amy rolled her eyes and went back to set up for the show.

It was 1:30 am when Amy finally got a spare moment. "You still up?" She texted Karma.

"Yup," Karma replied. She wondered if Amy was wishing she were asleep. A moment later Karma's phone was ringing.

"Hi," she said.

"Just checking in," Amy replied. "How is everything?"

"It could be worse. My mom has surgery on Friday and they're hoping if it goes well then they might be able to avoid chemo."

"That's great, Karma." Amy said trying to sound positive. It was hard to be positive. It all sounded scary to her. "Will you call me when the surgery is over?" Amy asked.

"Of course," Karma replied. "I'll call you as soon as I hear anything."

"Thanks. Is there anything I can do?"

"A hug would be nice."

"I'm sorry. I wish I could. Just three more weeks." Amy said. It sounded too long. It felt too long. It was too long.

"I know. 3 weeks." Karma repeated.

"And then I'll be at your doorstep with cookie dough."

"And ice cream?" Karma asked.

"And ice cream," Amy assured.

"Thanks Amy. Good night."

"Good night, Karma," she replied. "I love you."

"Love you too."

*********************************

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Amy asked, after Stacey had tossed her the keys to the van.

"It's your turn," she replied, "it's only fair."

"You'll be fine," Laura said, "your shift is 4 hours of highway driving and it's 5 am in the middle of nowhere."

"Alright," Amy said hesitantly and got behind the wheel.

"I think Amy's just nervous to go 4 hours without being able to text," Aubrey teased holding up Amy's phone.

"I know..." Meg joined in, "what if Karma calls!"

Amy rolled her eyes. But she knew they were right. She'd already texted Karma to let her know she'd be away from her phone until 9:00.

Despite a few close calls changing lanes, which resulted in Amy yelling expletives at the car in front of her, she'd survived her first van driving experience.

"Nice work," Aubrey said, taking the keys from Amy and giving her back her phone.

Amy relaxed in the passenger's seat. She had two messages already. Both from Karma.

Karma: I know you're driving, but my stomach is in knots  
Karma: two hours until the surgery. I took off work today but now I'm just alone with my brain. Helppp.

Amy texted back.

Amy: I'm sorry. There's a new episode of Cupcake Wars, can you watch that to distract yourself?

Karma: Already did.

Amy: Hang in there. Love you.

Karma: Love you too. And proud you didn't kill anyone driving. I assume?

Amy: Nope, no fatalities. 

Karma: Nice work, Raudenfeld."

Amy chuckled and said goodbye. She put the phone down and started to think about Karma waiting at the hospital during her mom's surgery. She had her dad, who wasn't the best in times of crisis. And Zen, who never offered Karma much comfort. She wished she could be there. She wished someone could be there. She knew Shane was working and Liam was away for the summer. It only left one choice.

Amy picked up her phone again and pressed the number. "Lauren, I have a favor to ask..."

So Lauren awkwardly showed up to with Twinkies in hand.

"What are you doing here?" Karma asked as Lauren stood in front of her, handing over the Twinkies.

"Being a good step sister," Lauren informed, "I'm your substitute Amy for the afternoon." She said and plopped herself down in the chair next to Karma. "So what would Amy do?"

Karma laughed. "She's help me finish this whole box of Twinkies."

"Ew."

"And she'd hold my hand and I'd rest my head on her shoulder," Karma continued, almost dreamily.

"Not happening." Lauren replied. "How about this, I brought my iPad and I'll pull up Netflix and we can watch whatever you want," she proposed, offering her one of her earbuds.

Karma smiled. "That sounds great, actually," she admitted. Feeling thankful for her Amy substitute after all.

About halfway through Mean Girls, Karma started to drift off. From the anxiety keeping her awake to talking to Amy at all hours of the night, she hadn't been sleeping much. Eventually, her dad came over with a doctor and Lauren nudged her awake.

"We can go see her now," Karma's dad said.

Karma stood up and looked back at Lauren. "Thanks for coming by. You were a good substitute." Lauren nodded and headed out. Karma took her dad's hand and they headed in to check on her mom.


	5. Chapter 5

Karma and her dad made their way to her mom's room. "What did the doctor say?"

"Well there were no problems during the surgery," he said, "so that's good." Karma was sensing a "but" coming. "But it's spread enough that that they're going to have to start chemo."

A lump was rising in Karma's throat. "When? She asked.

"Tomorrow morning," he replied.

Karma wiped away the tears that we're starting to fall. She had to be strong for her mom.

"Hey," her dad said as they both entered. "We're here to keep you company."

"Two of my favorite people," Karma's mom said smiling.

"And Zen is on his way. He just went home to get some of your stuff." Jody nodded.

"How are you feeling?" Karma asked.

"A little tired, but I'm okay," she answered, "don't you worry about me."

"Mom..."

"I mean it Karma. I don't want you cooped up in this hospital all summer long. It's not good for you. You need your sunshine." Karma smiled. Her mom was still very much her mom. "Really, you go on now. Go see Shane or something. You can come back tomorrow."

Karma obeyed, but mostly because she didn't want her mother to see her break down.

As soon as Karma left the hospital she went straight to the juice truck so she could be by herself. She wanted more than anything to go to Amy's room. But she couldn't bring herself to be seen by anyone at the moment even Lauren. So she plopped herself onto her makeshift bed, curled up into a ball and let go.

She sobbed loudly. She began to lose her breath and feel nauseous. Sure, she'd cried like this before. But never alone. She'd always had Amy's reassuring voice. Amy's arms around her shoulders, anchoring her.

She knew she shouldn't. Because she'd ask more than she was entitled to. But she couldn't help it. She picked up the phone and called.

It rang.

Amy knew Karma's mom was having surgery today.

And rang.

Karma knew she remembered because she even sent Lauren.

And rang.

Why wasn't she picking up?

Karma should've been angry when the phone finally went to voicemail but she was too hurt and upset and scared to be angry.

"It's Amy. Leave a message and I'll get back to you." The recording was followed by a loud beep, that almost made Karma jump.

"Hi Amy," Karma began, trying to hold back tears so she'd actually be able to get words out of her mouth. "Thanks for sending Lauren today." The tears started streaming. "But I wish it were you. Because I need you here. My mom is starting chemo tomorrow and-" now the sobs had begun again, forcing her to pause. "And I need you here. Please Amy. I know I'm the worst person for asking but," Karma paused trying to gain control of her breathing, but had no success. "Please come home."

She hung up the phone. And sitting there, all by herself, she suddenly realized what it must have been like for Amy to deal with the heartbreak by herself. She ached at the thought of Amy feeling that alone.

Guilt began to flood over her.

She heard Shane's voice in her head saying, "Be careful. She has a fragile heart."

She heard Amy's voice saying, "I don't want to get back on track. I can't keep getting back on track. The track is just a loop that runs straight through my heart. Over and over and over again." Was she being too selfish? Was she falling apart because of her mom? Or was she falling apart without Amy? She couldn't distinguish anymore. Realistically, it was some combination, but she wanted to parse it out, make sense of it. And that just wasn't possible. 

"Fuck," Amy said. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."  
She repeated, holding her phone up to the sky. "There's no fucking service."

"Chill out," Meg responded. "You're so dramatic."

"Meg," Stacey scolded and shot her a glare. All the other girls remembered that Karma's mother was having surgery today.

"Oh shit," Meg said, realizing her mistake. "I forgot, Amy." She whipped out her phone and looked at the screen. "Here, I actually have service. Why don't you try calling her on my phone."

"Who actually knows anyone's number anymore," Aubrey commented.

"Oh, she knows it," Meg teased.

"Thanks," Amy said as she took the phone from Meg's hand.

Amy dialed the number she knows by heart. She wondered if Karma will pick up the unknown number. She did.

"Hello?" Karma answered. Amy could sense the confusion in her voice.  
"Hey, it's Amy. I'm using my friend's phone because mine doesn't have service. How did everything go?"

"So you didn't get my voicemail."  
"No, I'm sorry. I don't think I've had service for the last hour or so. I just didn't notice."

"Oh," Karma said, thinking over her options. "That's okay," she said quickly pulling herself together. "The surgery was fine but it wasn't enough. My mom has to start chemo tomorrow." She said it almost emotionlessly. She could act well when she needed to.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry, Karma. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay," Karma lied. "I had a bit of a meltdown when I found out and I left you a suuuuper emotional voicemail but I want you to ignore it okay?"

"Okay?" Amy answered uncertainly.

"Promise me," Karma said, "promise me you won't let it change your mind. I mean don't even listen to it. You know how over dramatic I get."

"Karma, it's okay. I can handle whatever you left on my voicemail. That should be the least of your worries."

"Promise it won't change your mind."

"Change my mind about what?" Amy asked.

"Just promise," Karma insisted.

"I promise," Amy said, wondering if she was going to regret it.

There was an awkward silence.

"Sooo do you want to talk about it?" Amy asked.

"Not really," Karma admitted.

"Was Lauren a tolerable substitute?" Amy asked.

"Quite pleasant, actually."

"Really?"

"And she brought Twinkies."

"Well, that was all me."

"I figured," Karma laughed. Another silence fell between them. "Well I'm going to go," she said. "I'll talk to you soon."

"Okay, love you."

"Love you too."

Amy handed the phone back to Meg. "You making promises you can't keep, Raudenfeld?" Meg asked, taking back her phone.

"I guess we'll find out when I get service again," Amy replied nervously.

Amy's eyes were glued to her phone and after about 45 minutes of waiting, she finally had service again. She just hoped two bars would be enough. She saw the voicemail icon pop up and pressed play. She listened once through and her friends sat trying to assess her facial expressions. They were waiting for her to fill them in. But she just ignored them. She pressed play again and listened one more time. The sobs were already tearing her heart but those words, "please come home," just did her in.

"Laura," Amy shouted to her in the driver's seat. "I need you to drop me off at the airport." She looked at the map. " There should be one in Phoenix that's not really out of the way."

"Are you sure?" Laura asked.

"Yes." Amy confirmed. Laura nodded.

"You owe me 20 bucks, Stacey!" Aubrey shouted.

"Dammit, Amy, you couldn't have made it 3 more days?" Stacey exclaimed.

"You had a pool going?" Amy asked.

"If it helps, you outlasted my bet of 3 days," Meg offered.

Amy sighed. "And Laura?" She asked.

"I stayed out of it," she explained. "I was hoping you'd stick around. But I understand."

"Thanks," Amy said. Already feeling relieved by her decision. It'd been weighing on her even more than she had realized.

She may have promised Karma that she wouldn't change her mind. But this felt like a promise that was made to be broken.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N Thanks for the reviews & follows. Sorry for a bit of a filler chapter, more action coming soon

"Alright, looks like we'll be there in about 30 minutes," Laura reported after rerouting the GPS. "Are you sure there's a flight to Austin today? It's almost 5:00."

"Yeah," Amy said, looking at the Amtrak site on her phone. "It looks like there's one I can catch at 7:30."

"Alright, well, take some snacks from our stash for the flight," Laura added.

Stacey threw a two pack of pop tarts at her and Aubrey chucked a bag of pretzels. Amy caught neither of them. The girls chuckled at her lack of coordination.

The van pulled into the airport lot and the goodbyes began.

"We'll miss you," Aubrey said.  
"Even Meg," Stacey joked.  
Meg nodded and gave her a hug.  
"You call if you need anything, okay?" Laura asked.

Amy nodded. "Thanks. I'll see you all in a few weeks, when you're back. Have fun." Amy slid the door shut and ventured toward the station.

She found the ticket kiosk and entered her destination. $152.00. She pulled out her "for emergencies only" credit card. It could've been worse, but still, her mom would not be pleased. She made a mental note to figure out how she'd pay her back.

Ticket in hand and about half an hour until boarding began, Amy plopped herself on one of the benches, munched at some pretzels and began debating who she should ask to pick her up when she arrived at 1:00 am. Shane or Lauren were the easy answers. She wanted to keep her mom in the best mood possible, so she figured Shane was the safest bet.

"I have a favor to ask..." She said when she called.

"You know, when I said I was craving lesbian energy in my life, I really didn't know what I was getting myself into."

"But yes?"

"Of course," he groaned. "I'm just happy to have someone to share the Karma burden with."

"Shane!"

"What? She's been a real downer."

"Her mom has cancer."

"She wasn't complaining about the cancer. She was complaining about you. And how much she missed you and needed you and blah blah blah."

It was like a slap across the face. The realization of what it was going to be like to do this all over again. Amy sighed. "Any advice?" She asked.

"I'll think on it. See you later."

"Thanks, Shane."

Next on her to do list was texting Lauren.

Amy: Coming home tonight. What kind of mood is mom in?

Amy knew her mom wouldn't be mad per se, but she anticipated a "you need to finish what you start" lecture or a "how will this look on your college application" lecture was in her future. She just didn't have the energy to deal with it right now.

Lauren: Call in like an hour. She's watching her soaps right now. It shouldn't be too bad though. I think she'll be sympathetic to the "my best friend's mother has cancer" card.

Amy: Yes but will she be sympathetic to the "my former fake girlfriend's mother has cancer" card…

Lauren: I guess we'll have to see. Do you need me to come get you?

Amy: Shane's on it. Thanks though.

**********************************

"You wanna join in?" Karma's mom shouted from the bathroom. Zen was snipping away at her mom's hair.

"I'm alright," Karma replied.

"It's pretty fun!" Zen shouted back.  
"And freeing!" Her mom added.

Karma rolled her eyes. "You two have fun..." She stared at her phone. It was weird that Amy hadn't texted to check in. Karma wondered if she'd lost service again. She turned on the television in attempt to distract herself, but nothing was on.

She caved and whipped out her phone.

Karma: I'm sooo bored. Call me and tell me about your adventures on the road?

Amy saw the text as soon as the plane landed. She didn't want to tell Karma the truth. She tried to think of an excuse.

Amy: Can't call. Meg's sleeping and if I wake her up I will face her wrath.

Karma: Okay :(

Amy: I'll talk to you first thing tomorrow. Hang in there!

Karma: Thanks.

********************************** 

Amy impatiently waited as the passengers in front of her got off the plane and then hurried to meet Shane. 

"Finally..." He commented. She threw her stuff in the back seat and sat next to him.

"Thank you thank you thank you."

"You owe me one," he said.

Amy chuckled. "I missed you."

"I guess I missed you too," he admitted begrudgingly.

"So any thoughts on the mess I've gotten myself into this time?"

"I think we have to wait. Let's wait until you see her. What she says. How she acts..."

"Are you just stalling?" Amy asked.

"Well it's not like there's a good answer anyway."

"True," Amy replied, disappointment in her voice. She turned up the radio and they rode the last couple of miles in silence.

"Thanks," she said again, exiting the car. "I'll keep you posted on how it goes."

"I'm sure you will…" he said, being his usual snarky self.

"Good night!" She shut the door and crept into her house. When she'd told her mom she was coming home, she'd gotten off without any comments. Just a simple, "alright, Amy. See you later." But she figured waking her mother up in the middle of the night still wasn't the ideal way to stay in her good graces.

She was surprised to see Lauren's light on when she snuck by. "Hey," she whispered. Lauren jumped. "Sorry," Amy said, walking over to give her a hug.

"How're you doing?" Lauren asked.

"I don't know. Okay I guess." Amy paused and decided she just didn't have the energy for this discussion. "I'm going to head to bed. I'm leaving early in the morning tomorrow for the hospital."

Lauren nodded. "Good night."


	7. Chapter 7

Amy had set her alarm for 7:00 am, but that had proven to be unnecessary. She'd woken up around 6:00 and nerves, anxiety and adrenaline made it impossible for her to go back to sleep. So she threw on some clothes, left a note for her mother and headed out.

**********************************

Karma was walking into the hospital with her family when she spotted her.

Amy was sitting there, just a few feet a way from her. The sight flooded Karma with emotions she couldn't begin to articulate.

Amy looked up from her phone, saw Karma's face and smiled. She couldn't help it.

Karma ran over and gave Amy a huge hug. She glanced back towards her mom and then looked at Amy. "Thank you," she said. She let go of Amy's arms, only now realizing she was how tightly she was holding onto them. "I have to go," karma said, gesturing toward her mother.

Amy nodded. "I'll be here," she replied. Karma liked the sound of that.

About 20 minutes later, Karma returned. "We're just hanging out in my mom's room. Come join us. Zen's grabbing an extra chair."

"Thanks," Amy said. "I'm glad you came back. I was waiting to give you this." She whipped out a tub of cookie dough, offering it to Karma. She could see the excitement in Karma's eyes and she smiled. "I would've brought the ice cream too, but I was afraid it would melt." Karma wrapped Amy in a tight hug. "Alright Karma," she said, pulling away,"It's just cookie dough. Let's go see your mom."

Clearly, it wasn't just cookie dough to Karma, but after one more second she let go pf Amy and they proceeded to her mom's room.

"Amy!" Karma's mom cheered when she came in the room. Karma had always sworn her mom liked Amy better than her.

"Hi Mrs. Ashcroft," Amy said. "How are you feeling?"

"Aww I'm feeling alright at the moment, dear. Thanks." She turned to her daughter. "Karma, why don't you two go to the cafeteria and get a snack." Even she knew they needed to catch up.

Karma nodded. "You want anything?"

Her mom shook her head.

"I'll take a pudding cup!" Zen shouted. Karma rolled her eyes.

The cafeteria was empty. Karma and Amy sat down. "Hang on," Karma said. She went into the cafeteria and got two spoons and reached into her bag, pulled out the tub of cookie dough and set it on the table. "Much better," she said. Amy smiled.

"I just can't believe you're here. Karma reached out and placed her fingertips over Amy's knuckles. Karma realized the awkwardness of the gesture when she saw the surprise in Amy's face. Even though she didn't want to, she pulled her hand away.

"So," Karma began. "What are your plans?"

"My plans?" Amy questioned.

"We're off of school for four more weeks. I know you'll be spending lots of it with me," she smiled "but any thoughts as to how you'll spend your days?"

Amy was confused. She hadn't really thought it through. She just envisioned "being there for Karma" as a full time job. She was suddenly doubting her decision to come back. Was it stupid? What was she expecting? She was beginning to feel angry, misled, when she reminded herself that Karma hadn't asked her to do this. Well she did. But then she unasked.

Karma could see Amy's brain was going a mile a minute. She tried to stave off the impending meltdown. "You could come with me to the pool," she suggested. "It's been pretty dull lately. You, me and Shane enjoying the beautiful summer weather..."

"You mean excruciating heat?" Amy corrected. "And wait when are you going back to work?"

"Tomorrow," Karma replied.

"What? They wouldn't give you more time off. That's BS."

"They would give me as much time as I wanted but well, we need the money." Amy nodded. She'd almost forgotten.

"So yes?" Karma said eagerly. "You'll spend the summer poolside?"

Alarms were blaring in Amy's head. Uninterrupted time with Karma, in a bathing suit, whistle around her neck, sitting up in that chair all sexy...

"Maybe we'll find you a cute girl..." Karma continued.

Even worse, Karma trying to pawn her off on any girl she could find that had short hair and carefully maintained fingernails.

"Ummm," Amy stalled eloquently. "We'll see."

Karma frowned but tried to shake it off, taking another spoonful of cookie dough.

The silence had become awkward. "Should we go back to check on your mom?" Amy suggested.

Karma hated that they'd gotten to the point that they needed to avoid being alone together. She shouldn't have let herself imagine that Amy coming back meant everything was back to "normal." But she'd been hanging onto that hope.

She nodded and stood up. Amy followed. They walked back to the room in silence. Amy was kicking herself. How did she think she'd be able to come back and just be the friend that Karma needed? Why didn't she realize how difficult this would be?

"Back already?" Karma's mom asked.  
"I'm only here for today. I want to be by your side," Karma replied. Her mom wasn't buying it but she let it slide.

"Wait your not staying with mom tomorrow?" Zen asked.

"No, I told them I'd be back. We need my puny paycheck. I thought you were staying with her in the morning while dad has his job interview."

"No. I can't I promised my friend I'd cover his shift tomorrow."

"Ugh," Karma huffed with annoyance. "I guess I could see if my boss will..."

"I can come," Amy offered. Everyone in the room turned to her. "Sure, I've got nothing to do," she turned to Karma's mom. "I'll hang around. Keep you company."

"Amy, it's really -" Karma said, surprised by her offer.

"Sounds like fun!" Karma's mom responded cheerily. "You always were my second daughter."

"See," Amy said to Karma, "problem solved.

Karma nodded. She had no objections to voice, but she still felt unsettled. Would Amy really rather sit in a hospital room than be at the pool with her? Karma's brain began fighting itself.

Amy was supposed to come home to help _her_ deal. To be with _her_. Not her mother.

But wasn't Amy helping Karma's mom really helping Karma? Of course it was. But it wasn't the help Karma wanted.

All Karma wanted was for those hands to hold hers. For that voice to soothe her. For those eyes to look at her as if she was the only one in the world.

Karma shook her head trying to clear her mind. A knot of guilt and fear settled in her stomach. She had a feeling it would be there for a while. 


	8. Chapter 8

A/N Thanks so much Logi123 for noticing this chapter was missing. Sorry for the confusion!

"Good morning!" Amy greeted Mrs. Ashcroft as she entered the room. She smiled back at Amy weakly. She was feeling tired today.

"Do you want me to read the newspaper?" Amy asked holding it up. She'd seen people read newspapers to old people.

Mrs. Ashcroft shook her head. Amy should've known she would be too liberal to listen to anything from the Wall St Journal, the only publication Amy's own mother read.

"Just talk," Mrs. Ashcroft suggested quietly.

"About..." Amy needed more guidance.

"You," she said with a smile.

Hmm. Amy paused. She wasn't great at talking about herself on command. That was more Karma's forte.

She had been away for a while though. Driving across the country with a band no less. She ought to have something to share. Karma's mom dozed in and out and Amy, rattled on, taking breaks to just enjoy the silence. She'd always felt more at ease around Karma's mother than her own.

About an hour later when Amy was getting ready to go, when Karma's mom opened her eyes and looked over at her. "You didn't mention Reagan," she said with a confused expression on her face.

Amy was surprised she'd retained any of the information she'd been spouting. "She wasn't with us," Amy informed her.

Karma's mom continued to look confused. "I thought that's why you went?"

Karma entered the room at that exact moment. And Amy was hoping it would be lead to a swift change in topic, but no such luck.

"So what compelled you to go on this adventure then?" She pressed.

Amy glanced awkwardly at Karma, whose eyes were glued to the floor. "I just needed a change I guess," Amy replied. "Now that Karma's back I better be going. I promised Lauren I'd quiz her on SAT flash cards this afternoon." Amy grabbed her bag, eager to make a quick exit.

"Maybe you should go too," Mrs. Ashcroft suggested to her daughter. "Smart to be thinking ahead. I'm just napping anyway."

Karma wanted to spend time with Amy. Even awkward time. "That okay?" Karma asked, knowing Amy wouldn't say no. Especially in front of Karma's mother.

"Of course," Amy said feigning as much enthusiasm as she could.

The girls left the hospital. "Meet you back at your house?" Karma asked.

"Uh huh," Amy nodded. She texted Lauren from the car to give her the update. It wasn't the first time that Lauren had to be their buffer, but Amy knew she wasn't going to be too happy about it.

************************************************************************************

Lauren was waiting in the kitchen when Amy arrived. "Hey. There's leftover spaghetti in the fridge," Lauren offered.

"Okay thanks," Amy replied. She wasn't feeling hungry.

Karma rang the doorbell and Amy let her in. "Hey," Karma said with a smile. She'd been smiling a lot lately. Especially for someone who's mom has cancer.

"Hey. Lauren's got the flashcards in the kitchen." They sat down at the table, ready to begin quizzing each other.

"Okay," Lauren said, "I read that we'll be able to memorize them more easily if we use them in sentences." Karma and Amy exchanged glances, judging Lauren's seriousness. "Well," she continued, "I guess I'll start."

"Fortuitous," she said. "It was fortuitous that Amy came home from tour in time to take the August SAT. Fortuitous." She said again.

Amy rolled her eyes. She pulled a card from the deck and read it aloud, "Discombobulated," she said. "I am discombobulated because I don't really know what I'm doing with the rest of my summer... Or life for that matter."

Karma's turn. "Deleterious," she said it aloud and then paused. There were so many things that felt deleterious. Amy had thought spending the summer with Karma would be deleterious to their relationship. Karma had argued that being apart from her best friend would be deleterious to her mental health. Now she was afraid that the most deleterious thing of all might be honesty.

Lauren interrupted. "C'mon Karma. You are taking forever. Deleterious means damaging or harmful. Now give us a sentence."

"Secrets can have a deleterious effect on friendships." Karma finally said.

Amy wasn't sure what to make of that one."Is there something you'd like to share then?" She asked, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

Karma jumped down her throat. "Amy why are you being like this?"

"Like what?" Amy asked.

Karma paused to give it some thought. "Like I'm horrible to be around?" She said angrily. "Like you don't even care about me," she added, her voice growing sadder. She looked at Amy waiting for her to respond, but was only met with silence. "I don't know why you even came home if it was going to be like this," she said.

"I don't know either," Amy said, standing up from the table. "Let's pretend I didn't." She stormed off to her room.

Karma looked over at Lauren. "Okay..." She said awkwardly. "So..."

"You should probably go," Lauren advised.

Karma nodded. "Probably for the best."

Karma left and Lauren wandered upstairs. She knocked on Amy's door and slowly opened it. Amy was lying face down on her bed.

"Wanna talk?" Lauren offered. Amy only moaned. "Because you know, not that I'm one to usually side with Karma but it does seem like something's up. You two haven't been your normal disgustingly close, nausea inducing selves." Amy sat up and glared at her. "I mean I get why... but..."

"But what?" Amy snapped back with more hostility than even she was expecting. "Maybe I act like Karma is horrible to be around because Karma IS horrible to be around. Because when she's around everything feels perfect and exciting and amazing. And then she leaves the room and I'm left with reality and it's physically painful and I can't stop fucking crying." As if on cue the tears began to fall.

Lauren was about to reply when Amy continued. "And maybe it seems like I don't care about Karma because I'm TRYING not to care about Karma. I can't do this in between anymore." Amy finally exhaled.

Lauren put her arm on Amy's shoulder. "It's okay," she said. "I know. I get it." They sat for a moment. "But Amy?"

"Yeah?"

"You've got to come up with a plan because you can keep doing this." Lauren gestured to Amy's teary disheveled self. "And I certainly can't keep doing all this sisterly stuff."

Amy laughed and nodded. "Okay," she said. "Thanks."

Amy laid back down on her bed thoughts running a mile a minute. This wasn't working, she concluded. But what was the alternative? 


	9. Chapter 9

As soon as Karma left Amy's that afternoon, she headed straight for Shane's. His mom let her in and she banged on his bedroom door.

He knew it was Karma. She'd texted that she was coming over. He reached for the door, ready to spit out a snarky remark, but when he whipped it open he was caught off guard. Karma standing there, tears streaming down her face.

"Aww, Karma," he said sympathetically. She stepped towards him and he wrapped her in a hug. She let her head fall onto his shoulder.

"Alright," he said. "Come sit." She plopped herself on his bed. "Tell me what's going on."

"I don't know what's going on," Karma sobbed. "That's the problem. I don't know."

Shane had a feeling Karma knew more than she was letting on. "Well," Shane continued. "What prompted all of this?" He asked gesturing to Karma in her current state.

"I got in a fight with Amy," Karma said. It wasn't even really true. What was that though, if not a fight? An impasse?

"About..." Shane asked.

"I don't even know. It just got intense really quickly."

"Okay, Karm, if you can't give me some more details I can't help."

"I was angry that she didn't want to spend time with me. I told her it felt like she didn't care about me..." Shane started shaking his head. "I asked why she came back if it was going to be like this and then she said maybe we should just pretend she _hadn't_ come home."

"Oh boy..."

"What do I do?" Karma asked, tears starting again.

"Karma, I told you to be careful around her. I told you to be understanding!" Shane should've been kinder, or at the very least more forgiving, but that wasn't his forte. "She's totally right. You have no fucking clue what you do to her."

"I'm so sick of people saying that!" The words burst out of Karma furiously. "I know what I do to her." She paused and took a breath. "I just can't stop."

Shane raised an eyebrow. "Is there something you want to tell me?" He asked. Karma just kept her eyes fixed on the floor. "Because either you're a really shitty person or..." Shane trailed off.

"Or I have feelings for her," Karma said quietly and surprisingly calmly.

Shane shifted towards her and put his arm on her shoulder. "That's okay."

"Why is it so hard for me to even entertain that thought?" She asked with frustration.

"It'll get easier," Shane comforted.

"Yeah?" Karma asked.

Shane nodded. "I promise."

************************************************************************************

The next day, Amy was still thinking about what Lauren had said. Something had to change. After about an hour of obsessing, she decided to give Shane a call.

"Hey," he answered. "What's up?"

"You want to get some coffee?" She asked.

"What now? I've had enough Karmy drama!" He exclaimed. 

"What?" 

"Ugh nothing. I'll meet you at Starbucks in an hour."

When Shane walked in, Amy was sitting in the back sipping on a Frappuccino.

"How did you get whipped cream on your nose?" He asked. "There's a plastic lid!"

Amy rolled her eyes, not in the mood for this, and wiped off her nose.

"Ok shoot."

"No, first I want to know what you meant by 'Karmy drama'. Has Karma been talking to you about me?"

Shane sighed. "A little."

"Spill," she demanded.

"I can't." He said.

It was after all, gay scouts honor.

Amy shot him the death glare but for once his lips stayed zipped. Shane was getting antsy. "Okay, so do you want to talk or not? My shift starts in 20 minutes."

"I have to break up with Karma."

"What?" Shane wasn't even quite sure what that meant.

"Coming back was a mistake. I... I can't do this."

"Amy, yes you can. You are a being good friend," He said. "Karma's mom has cancer. You're here because Karma needs you to help her get through this."

"I'm not so sure that's why she needs me," Amy muttered.

Shane looked at her, a confused expression across his face. He was good at playing dumb when he needed to.

"It's hard to know how much of her needing me is related to her mom and how much is not." Amy stared down at the table. "And I know that it's horrible but it's like, I need to do the bare minimum of helping? In order to protect myself... And yet as always, Karma doesn't get that."

"You need boundaries?" He suggested.

"I need distance," she clarified.

"You two need to talk," he concluded. "Well," Shane continued, "luckily Karma had the earlier shift this morning. I'll text her to meet you here."

"No don't," Amy pleaded.

Shane continued furiously tapping away at his phone. He dramatically hit send and set the device on the table. "Sorry," he said unapologetically. "It had to be done."


	10. Chapter 10

Amy was waiting impatiently at her table, slurping the last of her drink and debating ordering another. It had only been 5 minutes since Shane had left the coffee shop but it felt like 30.

Amy's phone buzzed. A message from Karma popped up.

Karma: Just finished my shift. Are you still at Starbucks? I can be there in 10.

Amy wasn't sure what to say so she settled for her staple.

Amy: Ok sounds good

Then she continued to sit and wait. She opted against another Frappuccino (figuring that more caffeine would not help the situation) but decided to purchase Karma's favorite, a caramel macchiato, as a peace offering. While standing in line, of course she impulse bought a cookie, as well.

Even with the distraction of her M&M cookie, the 10 minutes dragged on. Amy sat staring at the text message. 17 minutes had gone by since she'd received it. Typical Karma. Amy was about to give up, text her to say forget it, when Karma walked through the door.

Even with Karma's wet, chlorine-filled hair and post lifeguarding t-shirt and sweats, Amy was mesmerized. The fact that her lightly colored t-shirt was both thin and damp was not helping matters any.

Amy took a deep breath. She tried to calm herself down. This is exactly why they needed to have this conversation.

"Karma, we need to talk," Amy said, stating the obvious. Karma was already dying to interrupt, dying to insist that she go first, but she couldn't bring her lips to form the words. Amy continued, "I can't do this. I'm really sorry. And I feel awful about this. But I made a mistake coming back here." Karma's eyes grew wider, but she still wasn't able to form a coherent thought.

Amy paused. She shifted her eyes toward the table. It was getting too hard to look at Karma and that devastated expression on her face. "I was right the first time," Amy said. "I don't want things to go back to 'normal'. I can't do 'normal' anymore. 'Normal' feels like the least normal thing there is."

Maybe there was a reason for that. There was a long silence before Karma responded. "Okay," she said. Amy was a bit comforted at the sound of her voice, but still concerned at the lack of words. A quiet Karma was never good. But Amy powered through the awkward silence, giving Karma the time she needed.

"So what about something different?" Karma suggested.

Amy looked up, utterly confused. "Different how?"

Again, Karma wasn't quick to answer. She wasn't sure what to say. The silence continued. Amy noticed Karma was biting her lower lip, which she only did when she was nervous. She began to wonder what exactly Karma was so nervous about. This was weird, even for them.

Karma reached across the table and held Amy's hand. Weary of what was happening, walls of defense going up, Amy almost pulled away. But she was just intrigued enough to hold still. "Karma," Amy said impatiently, "what is going on?"

"I don't know!" Karma exclaimed. She took her hand back. "I'm just… I'm just… trying to fix this."

"Are you kidding me right now?" Amy stood up, dramatically pushing out her chair. Then she walked out.

Karma sat dumbfounded, unsure what to do next. Naturally, she gave Shane a call. "What do I do?" Karma whined.

"I don't know, but I'll tell you one thing. You better do something or you're going to regret it forever," he said, "and lord knows I do not want to be hearing about this forever."

"Can you help me?" She asked.

"Karma, c'mon," he said. "You know what you need to do.

And in one way, he was right. She did know what she needed, a romantic gesture. But this wasn't an easy feat. First, she wasn't sure exactly what to do. She'd used up quite a number of them, from conquering a fear of heights to talk to Amy on the roof to serenading her at her bedroom window. As Amy has pointed out, Karma had a bad track record for "waterboarding her heart" in efforts to save their friendship. This really had to be different, somehow. Second, what ever that gesture was would take a whole lot of courage. And Karma just wasn't sure she had enough.

Karma spent most of her shift the next day agonizing over what to do. Finally, the day drew to a close but she was as conflicted as ever.

"Alright pool is closing in 5 minutes," Shane announced to the family of four still splashing around in the shallow end.

"Someone's ready to go home," Karma commented.

"I'm looking forward to hanging out with Liam, my best friend, who gets home tonight," Shane explained. Karma rolled her eyes. "Now was that an eye roll because of my mention of Liam or because you still will not be hanging out with your best friend?"

"I thought you were sick of our drama?" Karma replied, dodging the question.

"I can't help it. I'm too invested."

"Well for your information, I'm spending the evening with my mom."

Shane sighed. "Someone's stalling."

"Have fun with Liam," Karma said, again ignoring his remark. She grabbed her stuff and headed to catch the bus.

********************************

"Hi sweetie," Karma's mom greeted her. "Surprised to see you here. I thought you were coming tomorrow morning."

"I just wanted to see how you're doing. How are you?"

"Pretty good, actually. The doctors said the chemo is doing what it's supposed to do and things are looking promising."

"Awesome." Karma turned to her dad. "I'm going to stick around for a bit if you want to go take a break, grab dinner?"

He nodded.

"Why the long face, honey?" Her mom asked. "I'm doing really well. They said it's likely I'll be in remission soon. Plus your dad got a call about an interview for a position at that local coffee shop."

Karma forced a smile. "I know mom. It's great. It's all great."

"Ohhh," Mrs. Ashcroft began, "this is about Amy, isn't it?"

And normally, Karma would be horrified at the idea of discussing this with her mom, but today she just needed someone, anyone, to listen. So she plopped down and shared everything, from the drunken kiss in the pool to Amy, eyes filled with tears, challenging Karma, "you can tell me that kiss meant something."

Karma's mom listened patiently. When it was finally her turn to talk, she sat up in bed. "Honey," she said, "I know you've been feeling pressure from me to be different. And I need you to know that if you're 100% heterosexual that's fine by me." Karma cringed at her mother's use of the word heterosexual. "That being said..." Her mother trailed off, pausing to choose her words carefully. "I have seen the way you look at Amy. And if you think something might be there, you owe it to yourself to find out."

"But what if I screw everything up?" Karma asked.

"It sounds like things are pretty screwed up already."

It was decent logic. And it was the push Karma needed to take that next step. "Thanks mom," Karma said, kissing her on the cheek. "I gotta go."

**********************************

It was just about dinnertime when Karma arrived at the Raudenfeld's house. Luckily, family dinners were not a regular occurrence in that household. Karma stood on the stoop, large pepperoni pizza in hand. Her stomach was doing flips. It took all the courage she had not to leave the pizza and run. But she summoned the courage, rang the doorbell and kept her feet planted there on the brick.

Amy opened the door, looking less than pleased to see her.

"Pizza?" Was the only word Karma could get out.

Amy launched into a rant. "Karma why don't you get it? This isn't something you can fix with a fucking pizza. The last thing I want from you is a token of friendship. You're extending this pizza -"

"And garlic knots," Karma added, trying to break the tension.

It didn't work.

"This pizza and garlic knots as a peace offering to get our friendship 'back on track'" she used air quotes for these words, "but you're not listening to what I need."

"Okay," Karma said. "Just take the pizza then." She handed it to Amy, turned around, and walked away. As she made her way back home, she felt a bit like a coward. This wasn't the plan, but the attack had caught her off guard. She wasn't surprised per se, but hearing Amy angry, it always managed to shake her down deep. She hoped Amy would call her soon.

Amy took the pizza upstairs to her room. She sat at her desk staring at it. She was feeling stubborn. She'd decided she wouldn't eat it.

But it smelled so good. And she was so hungry.

She opened up the pizza box and her heart stopped for a moment. Taped to the inside of the top of the box was a picture of Karma and Amy on the mechanical bull at the PFLAG rodeo. Amy had never seen the picture before. She figured Karma's mom must have taken it. Beneath the photo on the cardboard, written in what was clearly Karma's careful handwriting, were three words.

It meant something.


	11. Chapter 11

Amy had been sitting there staring at those three words for 10 minutes now. The pizza was getting cold, but she just sat there, captivated by those words.

It meant something.

She didn't know how she felt. She just felt like she was going to puke. She whipped out her phone to text Karma and hesitated. She put her phone down.

What if Karma was just feeling desperate, feeling like she had to say whatever it would take to keep Amy around? Amy wasn't even sure she could blame her for that, considering all that Karma was going through. The guilt started to set in. Had she really been cutting Karma off from their friendship _now_ of all times? It seemed cold.

"But... " Amy thought as her mind started to wander. "What if she did mean it?" The question hung in her brain. She put her face in the pillow.

After about an hour of dialing Karma's number but chickening out before pressing send, she finally called her best friend.

"Hey," Amy said.

"Hi," Karma replied, already analyzing everything she could from the tone in Amy's voice. Had she opened the pizza? Had she forgiven karma? Was she ready to, as Karma had put it earlier, try something different?

"I'm sorry," Amy offered.

It wasn't what Karma was expecting. And it stung. Why did gestures of love between the two of them always have to be accompanied by an apology.

"I shouldn't have told you I couldn't do this. It wasn't fair of me. We will _always_ be friends," Amy reassured. "I didn't mean to make you doubt that."

"That's not why I-"

Amy cut her off. "Karma, you're going through a lot right now. I don't want you to say things you'll regret."

"Amy," she said. "I mean it."

Amy wanted to believe her. But those walls she'd built up were just too thick. Time and time again she'd believed. At the threesome when Karma looked at her lustfully and was spooked as soon as Amy's lips touched Liam's. At the PFLAG rodeo, when Karma put her head against Amy's chest and said, "Just you and me. I wish it could always be like this." And of course, during that moment, in the pool.

She felt it deep down in her bones, in her heart, that Karma wanted this. But Karma had denied it one too many times. And Amy refused to let herself hope again.

"Karma, let's not do this. Let's move past it. I'm ready to do that."

Amy couldn't see it, but Karma's face fell when she heard those words.

"I'm ready to face it and you're ready to move past it?" Karma thought, but couldn't bring herself to say. She felt like there was a weight on her chest. Despite her difficulty breathing, she tried to play off the entire situation as casually as she could "Okay," she said. "Come over tonight for movies & popcorn?"

"Sounds perfect."

After hanging up with Amy, Karma opened a new text to Shane.

Karma: She doesn't believe me!

Shane responded almost immediately.

Shane: Can you blame her?

Karma replied with an eye roll emoji.

Shane: You have to convince her.

Karma sighed. She looked in the mirror, suddenly super conscious of what she was wearing. Amy would be over in 20 min. She was desperate to find something cuter to wear. She'd finally settled on a green scoop neck sweater that she knew Amy liked, when the doorbell rang.

Amy held out two movies. "Mean Girls or Bridesmaids?" She asked.

"Hmmm what about that other one you're always talking about?" Karma asked. Amy looked confused. "Imagine something?"

"Oh," Amy said, suddenly surprised when she made the realization. "Imagine me and you? I left that one at home."

Karma shrugged. "Oh okay," she said, "Mean Girls then!"

"Good," Amy smiled, "that was the one I wanted." Of course, Karma knew that. Amy had always had a thing for Lindsay Lohan.

Amy was sticking the DVD into the player, when Karma interrupted. "Pajamas, first?" It would've been an awkward question, but the girls really didn't ever lounge around the house in jeans.

"Sure," Amy said, whipping an oversized t-shirt and boxer shorts from her bag. She went into the bathroom to change.

When she came back she found Karma in her bra, supposedly still in the process of changing. Karma reached over for the t-shirt that she'd laid on the couch. Holding it in her hands for a moment. She made eye contact with Amy, who was trying to avert her eyes. "Do you like it?" She asked. "I went a little crazy at Victoria's Secret after I got my last paycheck."

"Uh huh," Amy said nodding, "eyes glued to the ground. Finally Karma put her shirt back on and turned on the movie.

Karma cuddled with Amy as the movie began. Amy convinced herself to be okay with it. She could handle this. She made the choice to be there. She kept reminding herself.

But right as Cady Heron was saying gruel, Karma turned so she was leaning over Amy and planted a kiss on her lips.

Amy, shocked, pushed her off slightly too aggressively. Karma fell to the floor looking heartbroken. "Sorry," Amy blurted out, extending a hand, "but what... What was that?"

"You don't seem to believe me," Karma said. "So I have taken it upon myself to convince you. And you know how persuasive I am."

"Karma," Amy said, already feeling guilty for the tone she was using. "I believe that you think _maybe_ it meant something. I believe that you may want to kiss me to figure all of this out." Amy paused. She looked at Karma and took a deep breath. "What I don't believe is that you won't wake up tomorrow saying, 'oh never mind we were faking it,' 'oh never mind, I was drunk' and I just couldn't take 'oh never mind, I was feeling vulnerable because my mom is sick,' or 'oh never mind I was just afraid of losing you." When Amy finally finished her rant, she noticed the tears flowing down Karma's face.

"Oh shit. Karma, I didn't mean to - I was just trying to -"

"I know," said Karma, trying to get a hold of herself. "I'm not mad." The tears kept coming though. Amy gave her a hug. When she pulled away, Karma looked her in the eye. "I'm telling you I want this. I'm ready," she said.

"But I'm not." It was even harder for Amy to say than it was for Karma to hear.


	12. Chapter 12

Karma and Amy opted to cut their movie night short after the awkward exchange.

As Karma tried to fall asleep that night, one thought ran through her mind. So where do we go from here? It was an interesting question. Just when they thought it was impossible, their friendship managed to reach even more uncharted territory.

Amy was obsessing, too. Only for once, she wasn't being introspective. She was just replaying that kiss over and over again in her mind. Karma's kisses were normally gentle, tentative, but this one was different. And although she'd pushed Karma away, she'd certainly enjoyed it.

When Amy was listening to her logical side, she knew she'd made a good call, choosing to protect herself rather than follow another one of Karma's whims. But there was also that other part, the part that was kicking herself for not pinning Karma against the couch while she had the chance. And she wasn't sure how long she'd be able to keep that part quiet. Or if she wanted to.

"How'd it go?" Shane asked Karma when he picked her up for work the next morning.

She just moaned and put her hands over her face.

"That bad, huh?"

"I kissed her and she pushed me onto the floor."

"Oh boy..."

"You told me to convince her."

"Not with your tongue."

"I didn't use my-"

"Okay regardless, you need a plan."

"I had a plan. It didn't work."

"So... you're going to give up?" He asked. Karma shrugged. "See this is the problem! Amy, she tried and tried and tried again for you. Both to be just friends and more than that. You just-"

"Shane this isn't easy for me," Karma snapped.

"Okay," Shane calmed down. "Let's think about this."

"I have," Karma said. "I've gotten nowhere."

Shane sighed. "Well school starts tomorrow. Take it a day at a time. Think persistent but not pushy."

"But it's Amy," she whined, "I don't want to have to think around her. It shouldn't be stressful to hang out with my best friend!"

"I'm waiting for you to realize that this was exactly how-"

"I know." Karma cut him off. She slumped down in her seat as he pulled into the parking lot of the pool. "This sucks."

**********************************  
"What are you doing home?" Amy's mom asked, when she found Amy eating Chinese food out of the container in front of the television. "Don't you and Karma have some night before first day of school ritual?"

"Yeah. She normally comes over to make sure my first day of school outfit isn't hideous. Then we go out for ice cream and lament over the end of summer. But I guess not this year." Amy shrugged.

Lauren looked at her sympathetically. "I'll go to Ben & Jerry's with you if you want."

"It's okay," Amy sulked. "You'll read the calorie counts and ruin everything."

"Just trying to be nice,"' she muttered leaving the room.

*********************************

Karma sat on her bed staring at her phone. She'd been trying to will herself to make plans with Amy but she hadn't been able to work up the nerve. The numbers on her phone turned to 9:00. Ben & Jerry's was closed anyway.

She called Shane. She wasn't sure how she felt that he had become her lifeline, but it was too late now.

"Shannnnne," she whined. "Can't you just intervene? You could definitely convince her! She'll believe you."

"Karma, is that really the ending you want?"

"Yes, if it ends with me and Amy, that's all that matters."

"Well, I myself like magical movie endings and I want to see this one!"

"I hate you," she replied.

"Remember persistent but not pushy."

"Hating you more!"

"Love you too."

Shane had pressed her buttons. But it had worked. She was out the door and on her way to Amy's.

**********************************

She arrived with a pint of Phish Food in hand and rang the doorbell. Amy opened it and couldn't help but smile.

"You came," she said, smiling growing.

"I had to make sure you wouldn't wear anything too awful." Karma explained.

"So snarky," Amy replied, rolling her eyes. "Come on in."

Karma sat down at the kitchen table and Amy brought over two spoons.  
"You know what?" Karma said. "I'm actually glad the summer's over."

Amy nodded. "It's been quite an eventful one."

"You never did tell me about the tour," Karma said. "Are your pictures ready?"

"Mostly. I just have to pick and choose which are worth posting to the band's page."

"Can I see?" Karma asked excitedly.

Amy appreciated Karma's interest. They scrolled through pictures, as Amy shared funny anecdotes from her adventure and told Karma about the girls.

"Oh I didn't take these," Amy said as she reached the last few photos. "Stacey stole my camera and said I needed to be _in_ at least a few pictures."

Karma stared at the last few pictures with extra interest. She noticed the tinge of jealousy that came over her as she saw the photos of Laura with her arm slung over Amy's shoulder or Meg kissing Amy's cheek, like the flirt that she is. But Karma began to feel sick for another reason, too. That smile on Amy's face, the one in the photo, she hadn't seen it in quite some time. That genuine, worry-free, silly smile. Karma hated herself for pulling Amy away from that. But even more, she suddenly understood Amy's hesitancy about Karma's change of heart.

If Amy was finally in a good place, she had to find a way to honor that. But it wasn't going to be easy.

**********************************

The first few days of school came and went. The girls tried to get back into their normal routines. But they didn't even know what normal was anymore.

"Things still awkward?" Shane asked pulling Amy aside.

"No," Amy said, "everything's fine." Amy paused and looked at him accusingly. "Unless Karma has told you otherwise. You two got pretty chummy this summer."

Shane smiled. "True," he said. "But I told her I'm not getting involved."

"Why do I have trouble believing that?" Amy asked.

"Anyway, I just think you both looked a little tense. Perhaps you need another girls' weekend..." Shane suggested.

"No thanks," replied Amy, shutting her locker. "Gotta get to class."

"Anything?" Karma asked Shane as he walked by. He shook his head solemnly. She sighed.

**********************************

Karma waited patiently. She was thankful her mother was doing better and would be coming home next week. She was thankful father had found a job. He just started as the host at a local vegetarian restaurant. So Karma just waited and tried to focus on the positive.

"Want to go to Veggie Heaven tonight?" Karma asked. "My dad said he'd send us all of the screwed up orders..." She tempted.

"Sure," Amy said. "Sounds fun. Want to invite Shane? He loves-"

"I was thinking just us." Karma interrupted.

Amy shrugged. "Okay."

It wasn't the enthusiastic response Karma was hoping for, but she'd take it. "Great," she replied. "I'll meet you there at 6:00!"

Right after the bell rang, Karma cornered Shane at his locker. "I want to ask Amy to homecoming." She blurted out excitedly.

Shane looked unsure. "Maybe this isn't the best idea..."

"You told me you wanted a magical movie ending, so... I'm making my own."

"I thought you were going to leave her alone. For the sake of _her_ happiness." Shane reminded. "That didn't last long..." He muttered.

"That was... misguided," Karma explained. "I can make her happy. I just have to show her that."

"Now _that_ sounds like a winning attitude," Shane said excitedly. "But... I'm still not sure homecoming is the best idea. Its where this all began… Where she got outed to her mom... Where you first faked it... Where you ditched her to almost fuck Liam in a car..."

"Okay enough." Karma stopped him. "This will be our redo, our romantic redo."

"I'm just worried she'll say no," Shane admitted.

Karma took a deep breath in. "Me too," she admitted. But I won't know unless I try..." 


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: The story will be winding down soon. The next chapter may be the last, if not most likely the one after. Just a heads up I'm hoping I'll feel inspired to start something new after, but we'll see!

Amy arrived at Veggie Heaven right at 6:00, surprised to see Karma already waiting for her. "Hey," Amy said and sat down across from Karma. "What's up?"

"Not much," she said. "Just thinking about Homecoming..."

Amy shot Karma a glare, as if to warn her not to go there.

"I wanted to deck out your car the way Ashley did in South of Nowhere when she asked Spencer to prom, but…. I knew you'd freak." Karma said. She started rustling through her bag. Amy was wondering when Karma had started watching South of Nowhere. Karma pulled out a photo, from last year's homecoming dance, on the back it said "redo?" She handed it to Amy, who still looked unsure.

"Look," Karma said. "It's our last homecoming dance. And I refuse to go with anyone but my Princess Sarcasm."

Amy's heart leaped into her throat at the sound of those two words. She had one second of sheer elation, before panic set in. It was that panic that forbid her from saying yes without a condition. "Okay," Amy replied. She looked at Karma seriously. "But as friends."

Karma nodded. "Okay, sure," she said. "As friends."

She'd known this wasn't going to be easy.

"As friends. As friends?!" Karma repeated to Shane, as they shared French fries the next afternoon.

Shane chuckled. Karma did not appreciate his lack of concern. "You know what this reminds me of?" Karma was afraid to ask. "Your threesome."

"What?"

"Just hear me out." He went on to explain. "Amy put herself out there. She was willing to do something that scared her, because she thought you were interested. Then you shoved your hand in her face during your 'practice' throwing a big fat 'as friends' in her face."

"Do you know everything about our relationship?" Karma asked with annoyance.

Shane nodded. "Everything important."

"So that's how you and Amy got so close…" she said, putting the pieces together.

"Yup, but anyway, think back. What happened next? Did Amy back out, give up?"

"No, she wore that... that..." Karma trailed off, eyes full of lust.

Shane laughed. "Exactly," he said, "she found a way to catch your interest." Shane paused to think. "Unfortunately for you, I think it'll take a little more than a revealing outfit. But you'll figure something out."

Shane kept saying that, but Karma wasn't so sure.

************************************************************************************

Karma was out of big ideas. Out of grand gestures. So instead of fighting it, she embraced it. She would stick with something safe and stay in the comfort zone. Especially considering these days even the comfort zone with Amy was pretty damn terrifying.

When Karma saw Amy in the hallway, she took advantage of the opportunity to finalize some details. "I was thinking dinner first then the dance then a TV marathon into the early morning?" Karma suggested.

Amy was a little surprised at the mundaneness of the proposal. "No pre-gaming at Shane's or after party at the diner?" The thought of all of that excess socializing made Amy cringe but usually it was the stuff Karma lived for.

"Nah," she said. "No pre-gaming for me. We've learned the error of my drunken ways. And well I'm dying to finish South of Nowhere, so..."

"Told you it was good..."

"I should've believed you." Karma admitted. "So, dinner, dance, TV?"

"The keys to my heart," Amy joked. As soon as the words escaped her lips she wanted to suck them back in. Thankfully, Karma just chuckled.

************************************************************************************

When the big night rolled around, Karma couldn't have been any more nervous. She paced the room, heels in her hand. "What am I doing? What am I doing?" She kept asking herself.

Even Amy felt nervous, but she was refusing to accept why. "You're going as friends," she reminded herself. "You have no reason to be nervous. You have absolutely no reason to feel like puking, so just stop," she ordered.

The doorbell rang. Karma enjoyed watching the way Amy's eyes took in her presence.

"You look..." Amy paused gathering herself. "Amazing."

"Thanks," Karma replied. "So do you."

"You didn't tell me where we're going," Amy noted, as they got into the car.

"It's a surprise," Karma told her.

Amy was thinking about all of the possibilities. She wondered if it was their favorite pizza joint, which was slightly nicer in the evenings, when they dimmed the lights and upped the price of each dish by three bucks. She decided it was better not to guess. "As long as it's not a group date at Crave, then it's fine by me."

Karma had wanted to bring Amy to the restaurant where Farrah and Bruce got married. She wanted to stir up emotions. It would have certainly made a point. But ultimately Karma couldn't decide if it was merely persistent, as Shane advised or pushy, as he discouraged. So once again, she opted to keep things simple, friendly, even.

They pulled up at a restaurant unfamiliar to Amy. "Dim Sum," Karma announced.

"Good thinking," Amy replied approvingly. She began overanalyzing Karma's choice even before they'd laid eyes on the menu. Had she specifically chosen somewhere they'd be forced to share their food? Some would find that romantic wouldn't they? Amy pushed the thoughts out of her head long enough to negotiate with Karma on what to order. They bickered like an old married couple but finally settled on shrimp dumplings, spring rolls, crab wontons and edamame.

After they ordered, there was a bit of an awkward silence. What exactly does one talk about on a "not-a-date"?

"How's your brother doing?" Amy asked, making conversation.

"He's fine. Climbing the corporate ladder at Sheets n' Things."

"Your parents must be so proud," Amy joked.

"They came around when he offered them his employee discount."

Amy smiled. And then there was the silence again.

"This shouldn't be awkward," Amy announced. "Why is this awkward?"

Karma exhaled a sigh of relief. "Oh thank god," she said, "I thought it was just me."

In effort to power through, Amy launched into a rant about Lauren's latest diet fad. Karma was barely paying attention. She was just staring at those eyes…

Thankfully, the waitress brought out the food pretty quickly. And the girls began to devour the dishes in front of them. Amy was talking about the time her mother tried to cook Chinese food, when she noticed Karma's smirk.

"You have a little something..." Karma motioned to her mouth. Amy moved her napkin over her cheek. Karma smiled. "Other side," she was beginning to say, as she reached out with her own thumb. Amy quickly beat her to it, covering the whole side of her face with the napkin. Karma pulled away.

"Better?" Amy asked.

"Yup."

There attention turned back toward the food. There was one dumpling left. "You can have it," Amy kindly offered to Karma, who had, after all, eaten fewer.

Karma laughed and shook her head. "I know you want it," she said. The double meaning made Amy cringe inside. "Go ahead," Karma said. "Take it."

Amy hesitated briefly, picked up the last one with her chopsticks, dipped it in soy sauce and ate it. Karma was surprised that she was so mesmerized by such a simple act. She tried to get her head back in the moment. Back to reality. "We should probably head to the dance soon."

Amy nodded. They paid the bill and headed back to the car. "I knew you wouldn't want to wear it in the restaurant but..." Karma pulled out a corsage from a compartment of the trunk.

"Karma, we're just going as -"

"Friends. I know. Calm down," she said whipping out an identical one. "I just thought it'd be fun to match." She did get to have a little fun with this didn't she?

"Okay," Amy said, calming down quickly. "Thanks."

"Ready?" Karma asked after Amy buckled her seatbelt.

"Yup!" She replied. And they were on their way to the dance.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: This is the final chapter. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. It's meant a lot to me

"People are going to talk," Amy said, concern in her voice. They were waiting in line to show the chaperone their tickets.

"Since when do you care?" Karma asked.

"I don't care about rumors. I care if people think we're liars," Amy clarified. "Again."

"What are you going to do? Stop everyone and say 'hi just wanted to let you know Karma and I are here as friends?' C'mon Amy. Chill."

Amy sighed. Karma grabbed her hand and led her into the gym. "Hey you two," Shane greeted them. "Looking very cute." He turned to Amy. "No suit this time?"

"Nah," Amy said, "thought I'd stick to tradition this time, you know mix things up." Shane nodded. "Well I was headed toward the dance floor... Wanna join?"

The girls followed Shane's lead. Katy Perry was blasting from the speakers after all. Karma couldn't resist jumping around to Firework and Amy knew it. After a few more songs, a slow one came on.

Karma reached for Amy's hand as John Legend's "All of Me" began filling the room. When Karma's fingertips brushed against Amy's waist, it suddenly all felt like too much. "Actually," Amy said abruptly, "Let's go get some punch."

Karma knew what was up and Amy knew Karma knew. But they both played along. What else was there to do?

They sat together at the table, watching their peers, making snarky comments. Wondering aloud about the couples who were actually interested in each other versus the ones who were just desperately seeking a warm body to hold on the dance floor.

After a few minutes of quiet, one of their favorite songs came on."Please Amy. You know how much I love this song," Karma whined.

It was true. Karma must have forced Amy to listen to "For You I Will" by Teddy Geiger, at least 100 times when it first came out. They were only in elementary school, but even then supposedly boy-crazy Karma was a romantic at heart.

"Why are they even playing this?" Amy asked. "I haven't heard this in years."

Karma was on her feet. "Because it is the best song ever." Amy rolled her eyes. "Let's go."

While Amy felt more hesitant about slow dancing, it was Karma who was unprepared for the emotions that seemed to be taking over her entire body. Karma reached up to put her arms on Amy's shoulders, as they'd done a number of times before. But this time was different. She noticed her hands were shaking and she was starting to feel like she couldn't breathe.

She finally found the confidence to look at Amy. Amy was surprised to see a genuinely frightened look in Karma's eyes.

"Relax," Amy told her. Karma forced a smile.

As Karma listened to the words of the song, she felt an aching in her chest. It forced her to break eye contact with Amy. She stared at the floor. For a moment, nothing existed but those words blasting from the speaker:

 _No more camouflage, I want to be exposed and not be afraid to fall._

And then came her favorite part of the chorus. She forced herself to look back up at Amy, who was mouthing along to the song adorably.

 _Oh I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence that I can and cannonball into the water. I'm going to muster every ounce of confidence, I have, for you I will._

Karma stared into the eyes of the girl in front of her and tried. She tried to tell Amy how much she meant to her. She tried to tell her she would do anything to make all of this right. But the words were stuck on her tongue. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get out those three words she wanted to say most of all.

Okay, so words had betrayed her. How about leaning in for a kiss? There was nothing she wanted more. But she stood frozen.

She was afraid of coming off as impulsive. She couldn't run the risk of Amy claiming she was "caught up in the moment." She didn't want Amy to push her away again. But she also knew she could not make it through the last few "For you I wills" of this song, with Amy's arms around her waist.

"I have to... I have to go to the bathroom," Karma said abruptly. She jerked away, leaving Amy alone on the dance floor.

Amy plopped down on a chair, annoyed. "What the fuck was that?" She asked Shane.

"You know what that was."

"Her freaking out about having feelings for me? No it's not. You _always_ tell me that that's what it is and it never-"

"Just go after her..." Shane said, with overdramatic annoyance in his voice.

"What? No."

"You know you want to," he tempted.

"No. You go. Go talk some sense in to her and tell her to stop being so weird!"

"She's in the Girls' room, Amy. I think you're going to have to deal with this one."

Amy sighed angrily and stormed in the direction of the bathroom. She pushed the doors open and found Karma teary-eyed, sitting on the heater by the windowsill. Amy's anger quickly melted away just like it always did. She sat down beside Karma.

"Okay," she said gently, "are you going to tell me what's up?"

Karma shook her head. "Can we just, can we just go home?" Tears were dripping down her face again.

Amy wrapped her arms around Karma, who even then remained perfectly still. "We can go home," Amy agreed, knowing she meant Amy's house, "and talk about it there."

************************************************************************************

Amy had put on the radio and Karma calmed down during the ride home. They hadn't said a word until they were sitting on the floor of Amy's room. Karma had the South of Nowhere DVDs in hand.

Amy shook her head. "Nope," she said, "No South of Nowhere until we've talked this out." They sat silently for a moment. "I have all night," Amy said. She plopped down next to Karma, relaxing against the foot of her bed. She began humming quietly, the song that had been stuck in her head all evening.

Upon hearing the melody, the words began to play in Karma's head again.

 _You always want what you can't have, but I've got to try. I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have. For you I will. For you I will. For you I will._

Karma took a deep breath and, through her tears, smiled at Amy, "Ready?" She asked.

Amy nodded. And Karma let it all out. "I get it now. I get the torture I put you through because I am feeling it every single second. I am not as strong as you are and I can't do this. I can't stand being around you another minute and not being able to touch you, not being able to ki-"

Before Karma could finish the word, Amy's lips were on hers. Despite the surprise, Karma was quick to respond, kissing back aggressively, pinning Amy against the foot of the bed where they had been lounging moments ago. Finally, Amy forced herself to pull away. She looked into Karma's eyes. Neither girl said a word.

Finally, Amy smirked. "You didn't say 'whoa' this time," she commented.

"I know," Karma said, a smile broad across her face. Amy waited for explanation. "This time, I wasn't surprised by how much I liked it." She pulled Amy in for another long kiss.

When she pulled away, she had a mischievous look on her face. "You know, I was watching this one particular episode of South of Nowhere and it got me wondering..." Amy's eyes lit up, intrigued by the direction this was headed. "Do you still have those trench coats?"

Amy brought her lips to Karma's ears, "I like the way you think," she whispered, before pushing Karma to the floor to pick up where they'd left off.


End file.
